I’ve been debating on writing this article. One of the most talked about relationship topic is cheating. I have written about it or mentioned it within other articles a few times. One thing I am not sure I touched enough on is the emotional toll cheating takes on both men and women, especially if you were in love with this person. I sat on this topic for a few days until it wouldn’t allow me to do anything else unless I wrote about it.
We see the outside a lot. We see that women may get a bit violent; hitting their spouse, maybe the other lover, and throwing things. She may throw her spouse out of the house, make him sleep on the couch, talk to a friend or choose to be isolated. Men play it a little cooler. Surely they do not want to be by their spouse, they develop a thicker skin because “that’s what men are supposed to do”. So when we see men they appear fine. They go about life as usual. They distance or completely cut off their spouse, have ill feelings toward others they are interested in and may even become a womanizer or what have you. You see the exterior with both and they may both admit in different ways to never being able to love or trust again. Things like this…..I don’t want to talk about.
How do we feel inside? We, both men and women, become an emotional train wreck! It all takes a toll on us and we question every single thing now. Of course we ask why, but we also begin to answer it in the same form. Was it me? Did I forget to do something? Were they not satisfied? Is the other person better? (hell no) What could it have been? What you don’t see is the level of self-esteem going down. Many can deny this, but whether you know or not or whether you want to admit it or not, your self-esteem is affected; your ego, your pride or self respect. Some may have issues with their confidence in finding someone else or someone better. Finding someone to love again or worthy of you. Some may find it difficult to forgive and move past the issue.
After a while, you questioned if you were ever loved. Were you ever in love? Will love always hurt like this? Is this how love works? Do I want love? You think about how it isn’t fair and you deserve better. You try to think back to the most horrible thing you did to see if this is karma. All the while, you have been spending time alone, you didn’t go to work or went to work but wasn’t present in the mind. You missed class or didn’t pay attention to anything that was taught. You do not feel like doing anything anymore although you want to go out and get this off of your mind. When you do go out, something will trigger the memory of your partner, something you wanted to avoid. We become drained and tired. Fronting becomes a bit harder because you are starting not to care. Nothing is the same. Even your body tries to compensate by requesting more carbohydrates and refined carbohydrates (sugar) to produce the serotonin and tryptophan you are lacking. These are the “feel good” chemicals that are in your body or brain rather. You debate your options: go back to what you think you can predict or move forward into the unexpected.
There are some people who walk around as if nothing happened to them and they easily get up and go about life, but it is just hard for me to believe that they honestly act the same way behind closed doors. I challenge those people to consider if they really cared about that person or relationship. I challenge them to figure out why they are so numb to the situation. I know the sayings about not letting them get you down, I can do better, they aren’t worth it, I’m not going to cry over them, there is somebody better out there, I’m not letting them get to me, there is life after them, and so forth. While some or all may be true, is there really no release of emotion that enables you briefly from everyday life? If you find that you did not care and aren’t numb, you are one of the lucky ones. If you find yourself to be opposite, and may have a different way of handling this situation, I wish you the best on your healing process.
As always, my point of this long drawn out post is to tell cheaters to think before they act. Stop being selfish thinking about what you can have and think about what you can lose. Think about how you would make your love feel if they ever found out. Think about if they were doing this to you. And if for any reason you are not happy, leave! I find no excuse to cheating valid. Break up with them on good terms than on worse. You hurt the person more by being unfaithful, disloyal, and dishonest and you hurt yourself by being all of these things to yourself.
Enjoy your holiday season,
SP
We see the outside a lot. We see that women may get a bit violent; hitting their spouse, maybe the other lover, and throwing things. She may throw her spouse out of the house, make him sleep on the couch, talk to a friend or choose to be isolated. Men play it a little cooler. Surely they do not want to be by their spouse, they develop a thicker skin because “that’s what men are supposed to do”. So when we see men they appear fine. They go about life as usual. They distance or completely cut off their spouse, have ill feelings toward others they are interested in and may even become a womanizer or what have you. You see the exterior with both and they may both admit in different ways to never being able to love or trust again. Things like this…..I don’t want to talk about.
How do we feel inside? We, both men and women, become an emotional train wreck! It all takes a toll on us and we question every single thing now. Of course we ask why, but we also begin to answer it in the same form. Was it me? Did I forget to do something? Were they not satisfied? Is the other person better? (hell no) What could it have been? What you don’t see is the level of self-esteem going down. Many can deny this, but whether you know or not or whether you want to admit it or not, your self-esteem is affected; your ego, your pride or self respect. Some may have issues with their confidence in finding someone else or someone better. Finding someone to love again or worthy of you. Some may find it difficult to forgive and move past the issue.
After a while, you questioned if you were ever loved. Were you ever in love? Will love always hurt like this? Is this how love works? Do I want love? You think about how it isn’t fair and you deserve better. You try to think back to the most horrible thing you did to see if this is karma. All the while, you have been spending time alone, you didn’t go to work or went to work but wasn’t present in the mind. You missed class or didn’t pay attention to anything that was taught. You do not feel like doing anything anymore although you want to go out and get this off of your mind. When you do go out, something will trigger the memory of your partner, something you wanted to avoid. We become drained and tired. Fronting becomes a bit harder because you are starting not to care. Nothing is the same. Even your body tries to compensate by requesting more carbohydrates and refined carbohydrates (sugar) to produce the serotonin and tryptophan you are lacking. These are the “feel good” chemicals that are in your body or brain rather. You debate your options: go back to what you think you can predict or move forward into the unexpected.
There are some people who walk around as if nothing happened to them and they easily get up and go about life, but it is just hard for me to believe that they honestly act the same way behind closed doors. I challenge those people to consider if they really cared about that person or relationship. I challenge them to figure out why they are so numb to the situation. I know the sayings about not letting them get you down, I can do better, they aren’t worth it, I’m not going to cry over them, there is somebody better out there, I’m not letting them get to me, there is life after them, and so forth. While some or all may be true, is there really no release of emotion that enables you briefly from everyday life? If you find that you did not care and aren’t numb, you are one of the lucky ones. If you find yourself to be opposite, and may have a different way of handling this situation, I wish you the best on your healing process.
As always, my point of this long drawn out post is to tell cheaters to think before they act. Stop being selfish thinking about what you can have and think about what you can lose. Think about how you would make your love feel if they ever found out. Think about if they were doing this to you. And if for any reason you are not happy, leave! I find no excuse to cheating valid. Break up with them on good terms than on worse. You hurt the person more by being unfaithful, disloyal, and dishonest and you hurt yourself by being all of these things to yourself.
Enjoy your holiday season,
SP
****This photo was borrowed from http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/19/business/19thomas.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 . Please click on the photo to be redirected to the site.
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