Stop, Take it Slow and Proceed

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Making a good first impression is important when dating. Even if it is a person you know or have been friends with for a while. When you are transitioning to dating, new invisible standards are held to you that you must meet. I took the time to ask a few people what they felt were the rules of the first five dates. From there, I was able to get do’s and don’ts that I feel are key to a successful first five dates.

Do's
1) Alpha pays- This is the time when you are able to show that chivalry is alive, but that you are able to take a dominant role. Going Dutch is for friends, and making the least dominant person pay is a quick way to get yourself home before 9pm.

2)  Social places, not too intimate- You want to take it slow. Being too intimate says that you may like to rush things or you are already trying to set the mood. You are more likely to get to know a person better if they are in a comfortable, easy-going environment where they can let their hair down a little.

3)  Mutually fun place- Fun and simple. Don’t start off with something you can’t keep up with. i.e. steak house, live theater, wine tasting, Pick a location you both excel in. You can’t bowl? Avoid bowling. The idea is to enjoy yourself even if it is the last date or a prelude to another date. If they enjoyed themselves with you the first time, then they can only expect to do the same again.

4)  Be yourself- Genuine. It is important that you get rid of your representative. I think it is safe to say that fronting is dead. Your true self is going to have to rear its head eventually so why not in the beginning? Let’s save every ones time by being upfront from the jump.

 5) Act like a lady or gentleman-Men be chivalrous and ladies please be courteous. There isn’t a bigger turn off then ending up embarrassed to be with your date. Also, you want your date to know that you know how to carry yourself and present yourself.

6) Be attentive to your date- I know that it is hard sometimes to stop your eyes from wondering or too not be curious, but it is important to make your date feel like you care about what they have to say. Ask about their day, their interest and possibly their goals. This does not mean you need to dive in deep. Stay shallow. You don’t want to know everything so soon.

7)  Compliment your date for brownie points- Trust me, if you want to get in good, you have to give compliments. It will leave your date smiling and thinking about you, alpha or not.

8) Find out what the intentions are of the dates- Sex, friendship, untitled, serious relationship, put it out on the table. This can come about by the second date. Honesty can only be respected, so give it. You never know, they might want the same thing you’re looking for.

9)  “You have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion”- This is a Chinese saying that means that you shouldn’t talk so much and you shouldn’t act like a know it all. Share the conversation and be accepting of things that are new or different. You don’t have to agree with them, but it is always nice to hear/see the other side.

10)  Be honest but not blunt, timing is key- There is a time and place to present everything, so be patient. All of your business does not have to come out so soon. Remember, start off in the shallow end before you go deep. This is not to say that information needs to be fabricated or omitted. It means that you should take it slow.

11)  Your attire should meet in the middle of sexy and conservative- Ladies, it is important to leave things to the imagination. Some guys may like to see your ass hang out, a nip slip, and all the curves God gave you, but those guys only want you for one reason. So, in a sense, dress for the occasion. Show a little skin; enough to entice, but enough to make them think. Gentlemen, please leave the white-t’s and sagging jeans in the closet. This is not the time. You need to look presentable. Let them take you in as well put together before you show them that you can rock anything. The same goes for the ladies.

Don'ts
1) Do not bring up the ex- If it is one thing you have to choose NOT to talk about, it is the ex! Talking about the ex while on a date with someone else makes it seem like you are not over them or they still have some type of hold on you whether good or bad. Let’s wait until the “why didn’t the last one work out” question comes up at the end of the first month.

2) Do not stare at the breast, ass or penis all night- I am a victim of this. I seem to always direct my eye to the genitals! While on a date or with someone, this is a no no. You want them to know that you are interested in what they have to say and not what their mama gave them.

3) Do not let your phone consume all of your attention- We are in an era where our phones are attached to our hands all the time. Again, it’s all about attention. Unless you are planning an escape route or checking on family (kids, sick somebody), facebook, twitter, instagram, texts and all nosy phone calls can wait. Just press pause on the phone and play on your date.

4) Absolutely no sex- Sorry, but there is no excuse! Sex within the first five dates will not get you a relationship. If sex is the intention, hey, why waste time? But, if you are looking to have more than a sexual attraction, then make them wait. They will appreciate it soo much better. Then, you could even do a little something special to reward them for their patience ;-)

5) No sleepovers-Sleepovers too soon will only lead to sex too soon. Don’t temp yourself. Even when the sex does come into play, you should wait a good 4 months before sleepovers begin. Don’t set yourself up for something you don’t want.

6) No talk about sex, religion or politics- If you are interested in not having another date, talk about this. There is nothing worse than talking about how you disagree before you even got to know the person fairly well. Make them like you a lot before you talk about topics that can rush things or end things. That way, they would be able to have the “but” factor when considering if they want to continue talking to you if you guys end up not agreeing. And sex, just wait! Into the second month you can tell each other how you will eventually wear them out!

7) Do not talk about marriage or kids- Do you want to run them away?? Oh, ok

8) Do not introduce them, nor should you be introduced, to the family- Family to me is a big step. If you introduce everybody you ever dated or talked to to your family, you’d probably be characterized as a hoe. Only introduce them to those who are important and will be around for a while. Friends can meet them after a while, but that is only as a safety measure. You never know shawty.

9) Be very cautious about going to their house- it is nice to have the chilled, layed back date where you watch DVD’s, listen to soft slow music, sip wine and eat a home cooked meal, but this too soon can lead to something too soon or something you don’t want altogether. You have to check a person out thoroughly before you let them come into your personal space.

10) Do not double date or bring your date around your friends or to where you know your friends will be-like your friends job. You want the attention and focus to be on you. What if your friend looks sexy? What if they are dumb, talk too much, flirtatious, judgmental, ask too many questions, do something your date doesn’t agree with, etc? It makes you look bad either way because either they will steal your attention or they will assume you are the same way. You want them to be interested in you before they become interested in your friends

I also heard some crazy things from people I questioned about the rules of the first 5 dates. Here's a run down of their peculiar rules!

1 )No drinking bfore date
2) No "mandana"
3) No “I'm broke” jokes
4) Do not slurp
5) No kissing
6) Don’t try to eat cute, just eat
7) Don’t order a lot of food AND don’t eat all of your food. Take a doggie bag home
8) Don’t be superficial-no fake hair or nails, lashes or too much makeup
9) Sex is ok on the first date (it really isn't)
10) Don’t say you’re not giving up the lil mama when you know you will
11)If we go on a first date, you owe me (him) head by the second


I really hope this was helpful! Until next time

                                                         Sincerely,

                                                                     SP