There’s this person. Amazing person! You two have great conversations, share a lot of the same interests, and genuinely enjoy each others company. So sex is finally brought up and you find out this amazing person is celibate with no end date stamped anywhere on them. What do you do? Is this one thing worth you leaving or does it make you want to stay more?
I am all for celibacy and abstinence. There are many reasons why people decide to refrain from sex. With personal decisions being the main reason, there is also marriage, religion, trying to focus more energy on something else, or simply wanting more out of a relationship. Some people may argue, “What more can you gain from a relationship by withholding sex? Sex doesn’t impact anything.” For some, this may be true, but not for all. The absence of sex should bring people closer together and enhance the relationship and chemistry. It can also help the two discover if they really want to be together or if they can even stand one another. While people may believe that sex bonds a relationship, there should be a bond with the absence of sex. If sex is what bonds you, then that is what your relationship is based on. Try going 30 days without having sex with your love and see how it affects the relationship. If it takes a turn for the worse then you can assume what kind of relationship you two have. A serious relationship, the operative word is serious, should be based on mutual love, morals and values. If sex never existed, a relationship still should.
It could have been a past experience that made one want to abstain or become celibate. This personal decision can and will impact the next person they are with, but this shouldn’t be looked at as a punishment, but instead as a learning and growing experience. Someone once said that if you want the same results, do things the same. If you want different results, do things differently. The relationship did not work well with sex, so let’s see how one will work with less emphasis on sex. It can be argued that this may be a waste of time because you don’t know if you will marry them or if you will be with them for a long time. OK, you don’t know, but you don’t have to stay either. The moment you find out that you are going into a celibate relationship, that is when you can make your decision on whether you want to stay or not. You are not in the relationship alone and it is not just your time. Both of you are putting in time and work so, a loss or gain in this relationship impacts all parties involved.
It could have been a past experience that made one want to abstain or become celibate. This personal decision can and will impact the next person they are with, but this shouldn’t be looked at as a punishment, but instead as a learning and growing experience. Someone once said that if you want the same results, do things the same. If you want different results, do things differently. The relationship did not work well with sex, so let’s see how one will work with less emphasis on sex. It can be argued that this may be a waste of time because you don’t know if you will marry them or if you will be with them for a long time. OK, you don’t know, but you don’t have to stay either. The moment you find out that you are going into a celibate relationship, that is when you can make your decision on whether you want to stay or not. You are not in the relationship alone and it is not just your time. Both of you are putting in time and work so, a loss or gain in this relationship impacts all parties involved.
While discussing this with an acquaintance, they mentioned how sex is equivalent to buying a car. You aren’t going to buy a car without test driving it. There are several things wrong with this analogy. First, you will NOT be buying or owning anyone. Second, the primary purpose of a vehicle is to drive. Sex is NOT the primary purpose of a person or a relationship. Third, you may research a car before a purchase and you may relate that to getting to know a person before sex, but that is not the purpose of getting to know someone or dating. Fourth, would you by a car if it drives badly? No. You may get an unappealing vehicle and fix it up, but if it is driving badly then why purchase it when you can get a better one, right? So to believe in this analogy would mean that you wouldn’t want to be with a person whose sex is wack (although in reality, sex can be fixed) and would rather find someone whose sex is better. Is that all that matters? If so, maybe you should reevaluate what you are really looking for.
I can understand that when you are attracted to someone physically you may want to be with them physically, and the more you become attracted to that person, inside and out, the more you may want to be with them in every way. Just because the other person is celibate doesn’t mean that the feelings aren’t mutual. They are resisting urges just like you are. You guys could do foreplay, oral, toys or masturbate to help relieve these urges (depending on how you define your celibacy), but until you guys are ready, you have to fight temptation. I know this can be hard to do in a relationship, but it is not impossible or unreasonable. Just think, this person is not running the streets, is selective about who they sleep with and has put a value on themselves and wants to make sure that others value it, too. To let you have them entirely means that they value you as well. This should be something to be relieved about! It is not a punishment, an insult or a waste of time, it is a reward, an honor and a sign of vulnerability once the refrain is over. It is the icing on the cake!
All the best,
SP
I can understand that when you are attracted to someone physically you may want to be with them physically, and the more you become attracted to that person, inside and out, the more you may want to be with them in every way. Just because the other person is celibate doesn’t mean that the feelings aren’t mutual. They are resisting urges just like you are. You guys could do foreplay, oral, toys or masturbate to help relieve these urges (depending on how you define your celibacy), but until you guys are ready, you have to fight temptation. I know this can be hard to do in a relationship, but it is not impossible or unreasonable. Just think, this person is not running the streets, is selective about who they sleep with and has put a value on themselves and wants to make sure that others value it, too. To let you have them entirely means that they value you as well. This should be something to be relieved about! It is not a punishment, an insult or a waste of time, it is a reward, an honor and a sign of vulnerability once the refrain is over. It is the icing on the cake!
All the best,
SP
****The second photo was borrowed from http://www.serranissan.com/schedule-test-drive/. Please click on the photo to be redirected to the site.
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