Not every break-up is a good break-up. With that said, not every break-up is a bad break-up. Break ups do not always mean the end of all relationships. At the very least, a friendship can still exist. Depending on how and why ya’ll call a quits determines if you guys can possibly be friends.
Out front, I can’t see being friends with someone who abused you or tried to control you. I think those individuals are jealous and have esteem and self-esteem issues and would probably jeopardize any future relationship you have, be invasive in your life or still try to have mind control over you.
With that out of the way, it is very possible to be friends with an ex, and even their family, regardless of how you two parted ways, aside from the aforementioned. A relationship should be based on friendship, so in a sense, it will be like getting back to the basics. A challenge would be trying to force a relationship when one doesn’t want one or when someone or both are still in love. That hinders you two from moving on.
Becoming friends after a relationship will not always happen immediately. Some people need the time apart to appreciate the friendship they had within the relationship or they need the time to actually move on from you emotionally. Without this time, it will cause a heartbreak or torn heart, as their heart will either be in two places or will never leave from what once was. For continuing the familial friendships, it does some good to let go of the relationship emotionally first. If not, you may find yourself always bringing up your ex and trying to find out what they have going on and who they are with when the relationship with their family should not be for the purpose of keeping up with the past. I was able to maintain a great relationship with my ex’s family by having an understanding that I don’t come around when he is present and we don’t talk about him. This doesn’t have to be adopted, but this is what worked for me especially when the wound was still fresh. After getting over the hump, I was able to determine if I wanted a friendship with him or even cared to know how he is doing in life. I benefited more by keeping him in the past and not letting our relationship affect the relationship I had with his family. Forcing a friendship when one doesn’t want one could lead to a lack of communication, bad communication and/or just being turned off by them altogether.
Take the friendship slow with the ex. There is nothing to rush. Talking often shouldn’t be something you guys aim to do. Don’t expect it to be like usual. They are not your rebound and should not be used to fill the void they left or as an excuse why you can’t talk to new potentials. As time goes on, if you two are comfortable, then pick up the frequency of how often you two talk and the topics. By the sixth month mark of the friendship, not the break-up, it should be OK to begin to talk about your new love. Test it and see how it goes. Everything else should begin to fall in place. If you are thinking about reviving a friendship with a super old ex, then you can expect things to be a bit different because you two may be ready or able to handle more information/topics sooner than if the break-up was fresh. Heads up, it’s a good idea to let the new boo know that you are cool with your ex and let them know that it isn’t a threat. The last thing you want to mess up is a good thing with a new thang.
With love,
SP
With that out of the way, it is very possible to be friends with an ex, and even their family, regardless of how you two parted ways, aside from the aforementioned. A relationship should be based on friendship, so in a sense, it will be like getting back to the basics. A challenge would be trying to force a relationship when one doesn’t want one or when someone or both are still in love. That hinders you two from moving on.
Becoming friends after a relationship will not always happen immediately. Some people need the time apart to appreciate the friendship they had within the relationship or they need the time to actually move on from you emotionally. Without this time, it will cause a heartbreak or torn heart, as their heart will either be in two places or will never leave from what once was. For continuing the familial friendships, it does some good to let go of the relationship emotionally first. If not, you may find yourself always bringing up your ex and trying to find out what they have going on and who they are with when the relationship with their family should not be for the purpose of keeping up with the past. I was able to maintain a great relationship with my ex’s family by having an understanding that I don’t come around when he is present and we don’t talk about him. This doesn’t have to be adopted, but this is what worked for me especially when the wound was still fresh. After getting over the hump, I was able to determine if I wanted a friendship with him or even cared to know how he is doing in life. I benefited more by keeping him in the past and not letting our relationship affect the relationship I had with his family. Forcing a friendship when one doesn’t want one could lead to a lack of communication, bad communication and/or just being turned off by them altogether.
Take the friendship slow with the ex. There is nothing to rush. Talking often shouldn’t be something you guys aim to do. Don’t expect it to be like usual. They are not your rebound and should not be used to fill the void they left or as an excuse why you can’t talk to new potentials. As time goes on, if you two are comfortable, then pick up the frequency of how often you two talk and the topics. By the sixth month mark of the friendship, not the break-up, it should be OK to begin to talk about your new love. Test it and see how it goes. Everything else should begin to fall in place. If you are thinking about reviving a friendship with a super old ex, then you can expect things to be a bit different because you two may be ready or able to handle more information/topics sooner than if the break-up was fresh. Heads up, it’s a good idea to let the new boo know that you are cool with your ex and let them know that it isn’t a threat. The last thing you want to mess up is a good thing with a new thang.
With love,
SP
****The quote photo was borrowed from http://www.pinterest.com/sdsoeta/quotes/ and the video from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01yPbUXnJZk . Click on the photo to be redirected to the site.
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